Money and happiness?

"Do you have everything you need right now? What your wants? Few of us have everything we want, and at times our wants can seem positively all-consuming. Our sensibilities become overstimulated by a mass media [sic] that glorifies beautiful people and expensive objects. It’s easy to lose clarity about what it is we need to live authentically. Most of us are hungering for something more in our lives. But do you really think the answer can be found in a glossy magazine or on the movie screen?"

(Sarah Ban Breathnach, Simple Abundance)

There was a time when I used to think so. Back then, the idea of beauty, or fame, or wealth consumed me that it depressed me not to have any of them. I obsessed about losing weight, looking good, and making money that it sucked the life out of me and turned me into a slave driver to my earthly whims. Instead of spending time with friends or loved ones, I worked out two to three hours daily in the gym, pored over magazine after glossy magazine in the confines of my room, and daydreamed about the day when I would finally have millions in my bank account. I can’t say that I am proud to have been that kind of person.

I kept a diary of sorts from that period of my life, and it was here that I recorded things that I wanted to have. Check out these entries:

Membership shares in an exclusive resort (Fairways & Blue Water, Boracay) – and I don’t even play golf!

A personal trainer (and a private gym at home)

Invitations to exclusive parties and fashion shows – Yes, I love people and I love clothes… but what on earth was I thinking??

Jimmy Choo shoes (yes, the $400-a-pair kind)

Bulgari jewelry

Membership to exclusive spas around the world

A 24-inch waistline with washboard abs (yes, which I can work on while I’m slaving away at the PC…)

Looking back at these, I find it amusing that I equated my need for a more fulfilling life to the need for these material things. Sure, I would still love to have Jimmy Choos or Manolo Blahniks—I really do—but to list them as must-haves of my life? What was I thinking?? And memberships to golf clubs and exclusive spas?? I would hate for Sir Ediboy Calasanz or Ma’am Tina Astorga, my favorite philosophy and theology teachers, respectively, to see these entries!

Really, I shudder to read these scribblings again.

It will probably take a shrink to analyze the processes that went on inside my head as I was writing those thoughts down one rebirth ago, but I am glad to have snapped back to reality and realized that all I need to be happy is right here, right within my reach. I have everything that I need, and I’m glad that I had seen that before God took away any of it.

But what about everything that I want? Oddly enough, I seem to have all of it, too. Except maybe for a larger bank account. And Jimmy and Manolo.

As I was writing in my diary last night, taking an “inventory” of everything that I have to be thankful for, I realized that I was practically living my dream life. Almost everything that I have now—my career, my lifestyle, my social life, my romantic life—is just as I had prayed it would be. The funny thing is that money and material wealth don’t seem to contribute much to this almost balanced equation.

Of course, I’m still working hard to be materially comfortable. Everybody needs money to survive, get around, and live a good life. I just don’t obsess about it anymore. Even if I don’t get Jimmy or Manolo, I know I’ll be happy and live a life without regrets.

The past few months have taught me much about the world and its workings. I’ve learned to be flexible and adapt to my environment (like take the jeep in three-inch heels… hahaha!), and to make the most of whatever situation I’m in. Whether I’m racking up a five-figure shopping spree bill or scrounging for tricycle fare, I’ve managed to keep myself together, walk with my head up high, and keep a smile on my face.

I am truly, realistically happy (even if I’m close to broke after the holidays), and this happiness stems from the recognition that Life has supplied us with most of what we need to live a meaningful life. All we need to do now is to use what we have to be the best that we can be.

Allow me to end with another quote from Sarah Ban Breathnach:

"What is missing from many of our days is a true sense that we are enjoying the lives that we are living. It is difficult to experience moments of happiness if we are not aware of what it is we genuinely love. We must learn to savor small, authentic moments that bring us contentment. Experiment with a new cookie recipe. Take the time to slowly arrange a bouquet of flowers in order to appreciate their colors, fragrance, and beauty. Sip a cup of tea on the front stoop in the sunshine. Pause for five minutes to pet a purring cat. Simple pleasures waiting to be enjoyed. Simple pleasures often overlooked."

Now, look around you and know that happiness will be right there if you reach for it.

(Written: January 15, 2004)

The Power of Cut-and-Paste

Living life without a vision is like building a house without a blueprint or a floor plan. It's like getting up one morning and saying, "I'm gonna build myself a great house!", then rushing off to pick up some bricks, wood, nails, and stones, then beginning to work on a structure that has no plan and (worse) no foundation. Sounds funny, doesn't it?

But it happens. Everyday. To millions of people around the world who wake up each morning, then rush off to work with nary a sense of where they are REALLY headed. YES, they go off to work, and try to beat their deadlines, which will put them on their boss' good side, WHICH may someday catapult them to the holy chamber of "high cubicles" (or even "rooms with a window"). But then… what next? What's going to happen after reaching Room with a Window 1? Will it be Larger Room with a Window? Or Million-Peso Bank Account? Or Large House with American SUV? There's nothing wrong with those things, but let me ask you…

WHAT ARE YOU WORKING FOR?

Beyond the position, the perks, the money, the house, and the cars, WHY ARE YOU REALLY GETTING UP EACH DAY? Is it to be a damn good CEO so that you can change the face of Philippine economy? Or is it to be the most prolific writer of your generation so that you can rekindle our passion for the arts and the written word? There's gotta be SOMETHING in you that fires you up! What is it? (Please, please, PLEASE don't say it's money for money's sake! If it were that, at least donate some to charity! Hehehe…)

Recognizing a dream, or a vision of ourselves, is not easy. It takes a long time of soul-searching and experimentation before feeling the perfect fit. Kinda like dating, actually. You have to meet lots of bad ones before you see The One. And, sometimes, you don't even know that s/he's The One until it just hits you. Hard. And when it does, you just feel your defenses shatter, your barriers break, and all sense of superiority dissipates.

Recognizing your dream makes you get a grip on reality, and shows you that your dream is LIGHT YEARS away from where you are now. It humbles you, makes you cry sometimes, but it gives you a renewed sense of purpose. Life suddenly becomes more significant.

I met my dream again through the power of cut-and-paste. My business mentors told me to think hard about why I was doing this. Why did I want to get into business and try to make some money? Certainly not for money's sake! They encouraged me to excavate the dreams that lay buried within me, and extract that one thing that will keep me going when the road gets all bumpy and slushy and pothole-y.

So I did. I unearthed the magazine clippings and pictures that I had kept all these years, then tore off more magazine pages (much to my brother's dismay), and cut and clipped until my fingers hurt from being stuck within the scissor-hole for hours on end. I unearthed a four-year-old scrapbook that had lain untouched, and then slowly, almost religiously, I began building my dreambook. The manuscript of my life.

I witnessed images of an exciting future unfolding before my very eyes. Images which, until now, had only been in my head. Okay, so they were magazine cutouts, but they could be real someday. At least the pictures will help me recognize my future life once I come into contact with it!

I saw the house in Provence which I (artfully) clipped from Architectural Digest (I know, I know! My mom will kill me if she found out where the picture came from!). The house which will someday be, or at least look like, mine… I saw the fine glassware and china that I will someday use to entertain my friends… The BMW that I will get to drive (as soon as I learn how)… The Tiffany & Co. diamond-and-platinum engagement ring that I someday hope to wear (if nobody gives it to me, I'll buy it myself!).

Yes, these are all material things, but as I went on, the things became just mere symbols of the kind of life I wanted to live. I wanted to travel, I wanted to experience as much of the world as I possibly could… and at the end of the day, I wanted to return to my little nook at home, and WRITE. Write until my fingers hurt and my eyes watered. Write about the world and its people, and bring the magic of a larger life back home to the Philippines. About what WE can do, and what WE can reach. About the possibilities.

All these from cut-and-paste.

Amazing, isn't it?

You should try it and see how liberating it can be to see your true self emerge… from formerly ordinary pictures within Cosmo, or Life, or Gadgets. Never, ever underestimate the power of cut-and-paste. It could be your key to a larger, better life.

(Written: A Spoonful of Sugar, 30 June 2003)