Money and happiness?

"Do you have everything you need right now? What your wants? Few of us have everything we want, and at times our wants can seem positively all-consuming. Our sensibilities become overstimulated by a mass media [sic] that glorifies beautiful people and expensive objects. It’s easy to lose clarity about what it is we need to live authentically. Most of us are hungering for something more in our lives. But do you really think the answer can be found in a glossy magazine or on the movie screen?"

(Sarah Ban Breathnach, Simple Abundance)

There was a time when I used to think so. Back then, the idea of beauty, or fame, or wealth consumed me that it depressed me not to have any of them. I obsessed about losing weight, looking good, and making money that it sucked the life out of me and turned me into a slave driver to my earthly whims. Instead of spending time with friends or loved ones, I worked out two to three hours daily in the gym, pored over magazine after glossy magazine in the confines of my room, and daydreamed about the day when I would finally have millions in my bank account. I can’t say that I am proud to have been that kind of person.

I kept a diary of sorts from that period of my life, and it was here that I recorded things that I wanted to have. Check out these entries:

Membership shares in an exclusive resort (Fairways & Blue Water, Boracay) – and I don’t even play golf!

A personal trainer (and a private gym at home)

Invitations to exclusive parties and fashion shows – Yes, I love people and I love clothes… but what on earth was I thinking??

Jimmy Choo shoes (yes, the $400-a-pair kind)

Bulgari jewelry

Membership to exclusive spas around the world

A 24-inch waistline with washboard abs (yes, which I can work on while I’m slaving away at the PC…)

Looking back at these, I find it amusing that I equated my need for a more fulfilling life to the need for these material things. Sure, I would still love to have Jimmy Choos or Manolo Blahniks—I really do—but to list them as must-haves of my life? What was I thinking?? And memberships to golf clubs and exclusive spas?? I would hate for Sir Ediboy Calasanz or Ma’am Tina Astorga, my favorite philosophy and theology teachers, respectively, to see these entries!

Really, I shudder to read these scribblings again.

It will probably take a shrink to analyze the processes that went on inside my head as I was writing those thoughts down one rebirth ago, but I am glad to have snapped back to reality and realized that all I need to be happy is right here, right within my reach. I have everything that I need, and I’m glad that I had seen that before God took away any of it.

But what about everything that I want? Oddly enough, I seem to have all of it, too. Except maybe for a larger bank account. And Jimmy and Manolo.

As I was writing in my diary last night, taking an “inventory” of everything that I have to be thankful for, I realized that I was practically living my dream life. Almost everything that I have now—my career, my lifestyle, my social life, my romantic life—is just as I had prayed it would be. The funny thing is that money and material wealth don’t seem to contribute much to this almost balanced equation.

Of course, I’m still working hard to be materially comfortable. Everybody needs money to survive, get around, and live a good life. I just don’t obsess about it anymore. Even if I don’t get Jimmy or Manolo, I know I’ll be happy and live a life without regrets.

The past few months have taught me much about the world and its workings. I’ve learned to be flexible and adapt to my environment (like take the jeep in three-inch heels… hahaha!), and to make the most of whatever situation I’m in. Whether I’m racking up a five-figure shopping spree bill or scrounging for tricycle fare, I’ve managed to keep myself together, walk with my head up high, and keep a smile on my face.

I am truly, realistically happy (even if I’m close to broke after the holidays), and this happiness stems from the recognition that Life has supplied us with most of what we need to live a meaningful life. All we need to do now is to use what we have to be the best that we can be.

Allow me to end with another quote from Sarah Ban Breathnach:

"What is missing from many of our days is a true sense that we are enjoying the lives that we are living. It is difficult to experience moments of happiness if we are not aware of what it is we genuinely love. We must learn to savor small, authentic moments that bring us contentment. Experiment with a new cookie recipe. Take the time to slowly arrange a bouquet of flowers in order to appreciate their colors, fragrance, and beauty. Sip a cup of tea on the front stoop in the sunshine. Pause for five minutes to pet a purring cat. Simple pleasures waiting to be enjoyed. Simple pleasures often overlooked."

Now, look around you and know that happiness will be right there if you reach for it.

(Written: January 15, 2004)

The Other Side of the Coin

Each life is like a coin, with two sides. There’s a side that is introspective, inward-looking, concerned about who and where we are, and who and where we want to be. It’s the side that throws us these existential questions once in a while, and forces us to step back from the world. It asks, “Who am I really? What is my life’s purpose? Why am I here?”

Then there’s another side that is outward-looking, the social side of each human being. It’s the side that seeks acceptance, attention, love…the side that seeks growth in the context of others. This is where altruism, compassion, and empathy lie; it’s the side which forces us to go out and make our mark in the world and asks, “How can I make a difference in other people’s lives?”

I’m talking about this now not because I want to launch into a philosophical discussion about the Self and the Other, but because, right after sending out the latest Spoonful, a friend threw me this question: What about a cause? Are you willing to die for a cause?

I realized then that I had spent some time talking about personal dreams and visions, but had forgotten the other side, the social side, of each human life. We exist not only to fulfill our personal goals, but to do so in the context of a larger community. We are here to accomplish a life mission, but this inevitably involves other people, be it your family, your community, or the rest of the world.

We need dreams to fuel our existence, to live a successful life; but we need a cause to live a meaningful, a significant, life.

These causes don’t need to be as great as saving the rainforests, or as noble as fighting for indigenous peoples’ rights to ancestral lands. It can be as basic as ensuring that our communities are safe and secure, or encouraging our neighbors to segregate our waste. What’s important is for us to look beyond ourselves, and ask what we can do for the world. How can we align our personal dreams with a cause that will benefit more people outside ourselves?

Tricky question, huh? (We don’t even know what we really want, how can we know what we can do for the world?!)

But it’s a question worth asking. So… think about it. You may be surprised with how easy it can be to live a successful and significant life.

Oh, and do I have a cause? Am I willing to die for it? Stay tuned and find out.

(Written: A Spoonful of Sugar, 10 July 2003)

The Power of Cut-and-Paste

Living life without a vision is like building a house without a blueprint or a floor plan. It's like getting up one morning and saying, "I'm gonna build myself a great house!", then rushing off to pick up some bricks, wood, nails, and stones, then beginning to work on a structure that has no plan and (worse) no foundation. Sounds funny, doesn't it?

But it happens. Everyday. To millions of people around the world who wake up each morning, then rush off to work with nary a sense of where they are REALLY headed. YES, they go off to work, and try to beat their deadlines, which will put them on their boss' good side, WHICH may someday catapult them to the holy chamber of "high cubicles" (or even "rooms with a window"). But then… what next? What's going to happen after reaching Room with a Window 1? Will it be Larger Room with a Window? Or Million-Peso Bank Account? Or Large House with American SUV? There's nothing wrong with those things, but let me ask you…

WHAT ARE YOU WORKING FOR?

Beyond the position, the perks, the money, the house, and the cars, WHY ARE YOU REALLY GETTING UP EACH DAY? Is it to be a damn good CEO so that you can change the face of Philippine economy? Or is it to be the most prolific writer of your generation so that you can rekindle our passion for the arts and the written word? There's gotta be SOMETHING in you that fires you up! What is it? (Please, please, PLEASE don't say it's money for money's sake! If it were that, at least donate some to charity! Hehehe…)

Recognizing a dream, or a vision of ourselves, is not easy. It takes a long time of soul-searching and experimentation before feeling the perfect fit. Kinda like dating, actually. You have to meet lots of bad ones before you see The One. And, sometimes, you don't even know that s/he's The One until it just hits you. Hard. And when it does, you just feel your defenses shatter, your barriers break, and all sense of superiority dissipates.

Recognizing your dream makes you get a grip on reality, and shows you that your dream is LIGHT YEARS away from where you are now. It humbles you, makes you cry sometimes, but it gives you a renewed sense of purpose. Life suddenly becomes more significant.

I met my dream again through the power of cut-and-paste. My business mentors told me to think hard about why I was doing this. Why did I want to get into business and try to make some money? Certainly not for money's sake! They encouraged me to excavate the dreams that lay buried within me, and extract that one thing that will keep me going when the road gets all bumpy and slushy and pothole-y.

So I did. I unearthed the magazine clippings and pictures that I had kept all these years, then tore off more magazine pages (much to my brother's dismay), and cut and clipped until my fingers hurt from being stuck within the scissor-hole for hours on end. I unearthed a four-year-old scrapbook that had lain untouched, and then slowly, almost religiously, I began building my dreambook. The manuscript of my life.

I witnessed images of an exciting future unfolding before my very eyes. Images which, until now, had only been in my head. Okay, so they were magazine cutouts, but they could be real someday. At least the pictures will help me recognize my future life once I come into contact with it!

I saw the house in Provence which I (artfully) clipped from Architectural Digest (I know, I know! My mom will kill me if she found out where the picture came from!). The house which will someday be, or at least look like, mine… I saw the fine glassware and china that I will someday use to entertain my friends… The BMW that I will get to drive (as soon as I learn how)… The Tiffany & Co. diamond-and-platinum engagement ring that I someday hope to wear (if nobody gives it to me, I'll buy it myself!).

Yes, these are all material things, but as I went on, the things became just mere symbols of the kind of life I wanted to live. I wanted to travel, I wanted to experience as much of the world as I possibly could… and at the end of the day, I wanted to return to my little nook at home, and WRITE. Write until my fingers hurt and my eyes watered. Write about the world and its people, and bring the magic of a larger life back home to the Philippines. About what WE can do, and what WE can reach. About the possibilities.

All these from cut-and-paste.

Amazing, isn't it?

You should try it and see how liberating it can be to see your true self emerge… from formerly ordinary pictures within Cosmo, or Life, or Gadgets. Never, ever underestimate the power of cut-and-paste. It could be your key to a larger, better life.

(Written: A Spoonful of Sugar, 30 June 2003)

Let’s Get Real

One criticism that I'm expecting from people is: that I'm idealistic, unrealistic, and naive. I've gotten that so many times in my young life that it's something I almost always expect people to say about me (though, thankfully, none of you have said that to my face!). It's fine, really, because I do tend to think differently. I guess I just choose to see the world for what it CAN BE instead of for what it is. But, anyway, that's not the point of this piece; the point is that I'm dedicating this to people who need me to speak to them a little more realistically.

So, let's get real: not everyone can afford to quit their jobs in pursuit of a passion. For most, if not all, of us physical needs take precedence over psycho-socio-spiritual ones. We all need to eat, sleep in a safe home, take a bath, wear clothes, and pay bills (some pay larger bills than others though!). Even if we REALLY wanted to sing, dance, cook, paint, write, act, or whatever else it is that we want to do, we need regular jobs that give us our 15-30. And I totally understand. For even now, as I talk of pursuing my dreams, I worry about how to pay for my credit card, insurance, and retirement fund payments. And, oh yes, my precious gym membership… But I dread the thought of having to ask my parents for money. I want to be financially independent.

However, all these needs shouldn't bar us from doing what we REALLY want to do, even if we don't get into full-time careers doing them. Yes, there is always the excuse of "not enough time" or "not enough money", but really, would you rather face each day regretting what you didn't do, or at least wake up knowing that you have a little something to look forward to today?

All of us have 24 hours in a day, seven days in a week. We all need to eat, sleep, bathe, work, stufy, travel, and what-not. But what if the key to living a piece of your dream is doing things a little differently? Wouldn't you?

This reminds me of my pre-gym days, when I was constantly wishing that I had enough money to get me a Gold's Gym VIP membership (you know, the one that cost Php85K, discounted?). I was daydreaming, praying to God that I come across some big-time "racket", and even trying to convince my dad to loan me the money. When all these didn't work, I decided to get up and get real. I wanted to work out, I wanted to lose weight, but I didn't have any money. So I surveyed my stuff at home: a stepper that helped me lose my first 15 lbs. back in 1995, an ab-roller that helped me lose some post-graduation flab, a pair of 4-lb. weights, a Playstation that could double as a VCD player, and… the stairs.

So I bought tae-bo and yoga VCDs, cleaned my equipment, and got to work. For several months, my workout routine consisted of: waking up at 4 a.m. to walk up and down the stairs, then work out with the tae-bo VCD, and do some light weights. At night, before going to sleep, I'd work out with my yoga VCD. It was highly effective, and very inexpensive. (But now I can afford a gym membership, and although it's not Gold's Gym, it's my most precious investment.)

Okay, okay… Most of you would probably dread having to wake up at 4 a.m. just to do what they want, but all I'm saying here is that it's possible; we CAN do what we want to do–and it probably doesn't require anything life-changing. One inspiring speaker I recently listened to said, "Visit your passion." Now let me ask you, when was the last time you opened your little box of treasures and visited yours?

For the realists: Life is a series of trade-offs; we've got to learn to trade some to earn some. (I think that's about as real as I can get.)

So now I'm trading in some time and some money for a chance to fulfill my dreams. Maybe all YOU have to do is wake up an hour earlier, park your car a block farther, or spend a couple hundred bucks on that pottery or photography lessons that you've always wanted to take. In that sense, you're quite lucky because you don't need to jump ship to get where you want to go.

The question NOW is: are you willing to do things a little differently to make some dreams come true?

(Written: A Spoonful of Sugar, 12 June 2003)

Chasing Dreams

The other day I wrote about Losing Safety Nets, and I'd like to apologize for reviving this column, for the nth time, on a negative note. I'd like to make up for it and reclaim the throne to my exuberance by telling you why I decided to resign in the first place.

It has always been my dream to empower and inspire other people through my writing. When I began A Spoonful of Sugar almost four years ago, people's responses to my articles told me that the world needed a friendly "voice" to egg them on. Often in our lives the words that we hear debilitate instead of motivate us. From our parents, teachers, or bosses we've heard about the things that we couldn't do ("don't be an artist; you'll starve") instead of seeing the possibilities that we can bring to life ("your life can bring hope and inspiration to young kids"). So I made it my personal mission to bring some sunshine into people's lives through my perky prose. And you may have noticed that the column hasn't been out regularly; it's because it's really been just a hobby, an outlet to vent my frustrations and psych myself up for better days.

In recent months, however, this little voice inside of me began telling me how resentful she is that I've "abandoned" my writing. I had become far too busy to write anything meaningful, and whenever I did try to write nothing would come out. I was stressed, frustrated, and in pain. Nothing inspired me anymore, and it began to show even in my work. Those were the first signs. Then, the little voice grew louder and more insistent that I get back to my craft. Again, I ignored it. THEN came the sleepless nights, the trying-to-write-but-nothing-comes-out nights, the trying-to-make-sense-of-things moments, UNTIL a voice just told me: "LEAP. TAKE THAT LEAP OF FAITH NOW."

Then I felt at peace. And everything made sense once more. The little voice inside me was happy, and I felt much lighter and alive. True, I've hardly even begun my journey, so maybe this peace will be short-lived, but it doesn't really bother me. Know why? I know that the road ahead will be tough–tougher than any road I've taken, any challenge I've overcome, any heartbreak I've experienced. BUT I'M TAKING A CHANCE ON MY DREAMS and, whatever happens–broke or not–I know I'll end up a winner.

So, what keeps YOU awake at night and keeps you going in the morning?

(Written: A Spoonful of Sugar, 6 June 2003)